I have been suspended in sorrow for what seems like forever and yet the calendar days merge into each other where I can not distinguish day from night...today from tomorrow. I have existed only in yesterdays. Whether they inspired smiles or frowns they were my normal. They were my home. They were what I knew of love. Yet in most of those yesterday memories, I did not have much thought of self care. It seems like a foreign concept because I am so used to taking care of others.
The sacrifices of the mother allow her to protect her children but not herself. The sacrifices of the sister make her a shoulder to cry on but she can not rest her head on her own shoulders. The sacrifices of the daughter require obedience instead of assertiveness. The sacrifices of the teacher make her a model of skills...a paragon to imitate in all except in the submissive quest to please those who will quickly replace her when she fades away. I have been all. I am still all; and yet I can not seem to do for myself what I have done for others. Why is it so easy to give advice and so difficult to take it? I have yet to find out but in the meantime, I was challenged by my friend to do what I demanded of her-DO MORE FOR YOURSELF.
So I reluctantly rolled out of the bed at the sound of the alarm this morning and donned what I could find from my limited workout wardrobe to meet her at the park. It wasn’t the first time that I had been to the park but it was the first time that I strode toward it with the purpose to workout. I knew all the fitness gyms were closed because of COVID but in my mind I wondered if I really would have gone to one if they were open. Instead of feeling bad about the weight that I gained over the past two years or the pounds that I packed on during quarantine, I decided to put my words to action and MOTION to the METAMORPHOSIS. What met me was not an insurmountable obstacle but rather a community of people striving to do better for their lives through fitness.
Walking up the stairs and turning the corner, the track and field were revealed to show at least 100 masked people pacing, walking, jogging, running, biking, pumping, breathing, working out their lives so that they could feel better...be better. Men and women of all ages and sizes moved separately yet in tandem around the lined oval track. Cardio classes were being instructed in the center field with workout partners at arms length and at the corner of each entrance to the track was a mist pole cooling off the immediate area. This was not what I would have imagined as paradise. After all, the idea of working out made my body ache, let alone actually doing it. But in the presence of friends who bond over the need to do better for themselves, I was confidently motivated to stroll and stretch while having conversations that I didn’t even know I needed.
Being quarantined has allowed me to be comfortable isolating myself. Grieving has given me an excuse to continue hiding in my own world. But the camaraderie of exercising with friends gave me the push I needed to want to work out as well as work out my life mentally before the rush of the school year begins. I’m a long way from my goal weight, but at least now I am not afraid to begin the quest for my butterfly best self. And I have a reason to smile again-MYSELF-even if my face is mostly covered by a mask. You may not have a nearby park but if you are stuck in stasis, if you feel stagnant and static, begin your metamorphosis and MOVE.
My METAMORPHOSIS MUSIC is the soundtrack for my transformation. The mellow songs were perfect for breathing and meditation. The power percussion songs helped my momentum with twists and cardio reps. And the upbeat wingbeats sustained my energy as I walked to and from the park.
I discovered that I am not alone. So many people are working out to work out their lives during this pandemic. We all have hope of brighter days and better tomorrows. We are all fighting to live despite the sickness and death. I didn’t think I could do it until I did it. You can do it too!
Thank you to Deepassionate1 for encouraging me to take my own advice and start moving. Her Trinigirl Training Carribbean cardio classes are a body rockin’ party that make the park a daytime dance club!
Caution! - IT IS HOT OUT THERE! We met at the park at 7am and it was already packed with people. By the time I finished stretching and walking with my friends we had just enough time to snap some masked pics as the sun baked the air outside and our skin from within.
Whether you decide to go out to workout or move within the privacy of your home, remember to pace yourself, stay hydrated with a bottle of water and listen to your body when it screams STOP! Social distancing rules still apply so be safe by keeping at arm’s length and carry extra masks just in case they get dirty or soaked with sweat.